scorpio

Happiness….How u define this? Some 1 ask me this recently….

      Coming back home for deeparaya holiday for a week….It had been two months ago ever since i leave home when sem 3 started…2 months…..Cannot say is a vy vy long time but i really miss home a lot…

      Back here everything is unchanged…Except that my bro had grown taller, Dad n Mum seem to grow older a bit ( dunno if this is true o not..i hope is jus my illusion)….Back to my familiar environment, my room, lying on my bed comfortably…..Yes this is my comfort zone which i will never wanna to leave although i know staying too long in comfort zone will make our immune system towards the external environment drop….

      Like the feeling of staying at home…eventhough doing nothing constructive but just being at home and enjoy the peaceful moment at home is a blessing to me…Eating mummy and daddy’s home cook food make my slimming down plan failed but to me it’s worth…haha…

      Went for a movie with whole family yesterday…Enjoyed the moment of family outing…Long time never go out with family already…Miss the old days when our whole family will go out every weekend…Now only i realised being happy can be vy simple…No need to spend a lot, no need to go vy far, no need to prepare a lot of things but just being together as 1 family can make me feel happy.

       I think this is my definition to happiness…No matter what had happened , to me , knowing that there is always a place i can turn to made me feel secured and blessed. The feeling of being embraced by love is happiness to me……Thanks to all who give me this……

      Going back KL soon…This round will be staying for a longer time to prepare for EOS…Hate to leave home but no choice….Anyway i think i had recharged enough at home to overcome the days ahead….

Feeling down since the day b4….Waiting for this mood swing syndrome to pass but til now..failed!

        Feel mad and disapointed to myself after the dreadly CSU session the day before. Felt like a super idiot who is completely loss in the situation. Cant even performed a simple physical examination. What is wrong with me??? I did study before the session and i thought i was prepared for it….eventhough not fully prepared but i thought at least i can complete the examination…but then i failed!!!!! Is TS too advance for our level? I doubt so coz the rest of them who were with me that day can answer his question. So what can be the problem?? Maybe really my brain is just like a mega sieve that filter out everything..More irony is that i still get A for that system!!! Maybe jus as he said the A of mine is nothing but an accident!!Well…i started to believe that it is true….

       Feeling disappointed to oneself is a terrible feeling. I hate that. What add salt to the injuries is that i got no 1 to confide to. Things had not change  better even after i got my Respi result…ya better than what i expected but then again i started to question myself..is this what i deserve? or maybe i deserve a B o what which suit my level better….For the 1st time getting a good result doesn’t brighten up my day:( 

        Every ppl had different expectation to themselves…I got my own as well and i thought i got the right to feel stress if i cant meet my own expectation..but to the others this may not be the case… To them , getting a A means u had no right to feel stress and u got no right to complain about how hard u had tried to meet ur own target. Even when u failed to meet ur own target u still cannot show how depressed u r and u r not allow to cry coz u r an A student who got no right to feel stress!!! Hate to show smiley face to others when im in a terribly bad mood…but hey i got no right to pull a long face remember?? coz i got an A…..:(

       " No matter what happens, to me u r alr the best" …This is what u told me when i complain about how stressed up im recently…U are the only one who knew that im in a bad shape by just listening to my voice…thanks a lot for that, it really means a lot to me…Still there is always some1 who can understand me. How i hope ur just by my side when i need assurance and encouragement.

       I know that this is just part and parcel of a learning process and i need to learn to cope with it…in fact im trying hard to do so..but it is quite a tough task esp when i got to do this alone….

       I hate this feeling…..